He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
