I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
