i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
