I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
