i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
