Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
