i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
