he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
