so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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