I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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