you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
