I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
