you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
