i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
