Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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