Umm I'm too high to move.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
