Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
