Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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