I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
