seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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