you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
