If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
