he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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