i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
