can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
