I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
