Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
