ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
