First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
