seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
