i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
