Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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