If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
