It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
