everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
