she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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