The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
