i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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