Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
