I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
