I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
