She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
