Swine flu. Run for my life!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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