Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
