Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
