He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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