we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
