is your mom at the bar?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
