the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
