The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
