It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
